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My msn messenger is so... oh i dont have a word to describe it. Maybe it's like entering a haunted house where u can recognize a vampire yet u cannot run from him and he's getting to you very fast to have dinner. Or maybe it's like when you dont want to ride ur bicycle because u fell so hard and people laughed at you instead of helping. Or maybe it feels like you lost your favorite book when you want so much to read it. Or like speaking spanish but everyone speak german.

so much to say, but the thing is that I want to use it again the way i used it before. but it seems like no one's there to talk to. It's sad to know that i a lot of friends but no one is talking to me. My life sucks and i'm listening to Panic at the disco.. what a life.

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I feel like I'm dying.. my stomach is burning like hell. I haven't eaten rightly this months. I dont know, I have too much to think of. And the song that i'm listening to is really making me suffer. but i dont feel like changing the song, so, let's talk about GOALS.

Goals on your life expectation, goals on your careers, goals on your routine even goals on your private life. The question is, how much goals have you achieve in life? do you make goals? or do you just act spontaneously without knowing what u're achieving?
you know, the first time i knew the word "Goal", i thought it was stupid to make goals on life because i even dont play football.. (it annoys me, really, when the football narator start to scream GOAAAAALLLLLL as soon as some football player shoots the ball in), ok.. so why this topic suddenly? the answer is that I am trying to build my future. I'm re-arranging my life goals, in which little of it has been achieved, and a lot more to achieve like loosing some weight ;) haha.

I'm still young and i still wanna have fun by doing a lot of nonsense things, but I wouldn't want to miss a chance in taking a challenge to visualize what will come to my future. but actually it's bugging me, it just make me think a lot for the future and distract me in what i am doing right now. Really, studying design changed the way I think.. now the past, the present and the future is as close as ever. back to goals.

The most recent and most important goal for me now is getting a scholarship for studying in the Netherlands. It really means a lot to me and to every person involved, like my parents and friends in other countries. It seems like it's a new adventure and a new bridge to the place that i would like to visit. i really want to make it more detailed but i have this traditional beliefs that if u have a wish and u tell it to everyone, that wish wont come true. soooo, my next thing to do is to work it out in whatever means.

Ok. the song has changed and it's hurting me more. i need to go to sleep, i need to start a new routine by waking up early in the morning and EXERCISE.. that's another goal i would like to achieve =D.

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It's easy to halucinate things that u dont really like..just close ur eyes and it will come by itself.

Low Lights

I should say that i'm so into slow speed photography, and i really want to learn more. I've done experiments but still i just need to go hunting more often. This is my first time hunting with my friend to a famous street in Bandung, which is Jl. Braga, where it has some old buildings there, art shops are availiable here too, and now people hangs out around there to drink some coffe or just take pictures. The above pic was taken by my friend.. it was good.. when I tried to take hers, it was awful.. it was kinda blurry and stuff. After many shots, the batteries went down.. muddafugga!!! So, i couldn't continue on hunting.

That's it for today.. check out my other slow speed photography =D The rest are done by self-timer.

The Enchanted Snake

An illustration for the fairytale "The Enchanted Snake".
The thing that i dont really understand in this story is why does the princess didnt deny that she was going to marry a snake.. good thing that the snake turned to a handsome prince, but somehow the story complicates itself..

I really don't like the story but i'm just trying to illustrate the story that i'm reading..
I hope I can find much better stories to illustrate from =D

This drawing is done by drawing pen on a my A5 sketchbook. I am soo into classic illustration books. they have so much textures instead for colouring with colors. This is my first shot (actually second), and i'll be studying more to draw much better.

The Reason

If i'm singing a song right now, it would be this song... shit! T_T

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Letters to God

Dear God,

this afternoon the rain is pouring so much that i couldn't get out to find some food for lunch. I'm so hungry but i know there are a lot more people with hunger who can't even feed themselves. I feel alone in my room, not only because my friends haven't arrived yet, but because somehow i just got a hole in my heart.

Dear God,

Please, take care of him, because you know I'm not capable of doing that. I'm sure you can come and visit him sometime and say hello from my part. I won't be able to do a thing like you, going in many places anytime you want. I'm going to get busy the next few years and I won't be able to spend more time with him. If you're making a plan with us, just surprise me, i just want it to be good.

Dear God,

You're the only person who can listens me and care for me even though I've hurt you so many times. Sincerely i really don't need to write to you by this blog, but if you have an e-mail, i would send it to you. I hope that you can find my blog by browsing on google o somehow it just appeared, but it doesn't matter, i just want you to calm me down, guard me and make me smile again. I guess that's all.. i'll be writing you back another day. Please stop the rain, because i need to eat. =)

thank you
one of your female creations,



P.S. say hello to my family and my friends worldwide, i know you can do that in just a few seconds, tell them i miss them so much.

i feel bad

i have spent too many tissue in my room now...
i'm pretty much better now, coz i can feel hunger.
seriously i wouldn't want it to happen, but it must. hoping for that days to come, even though we're sure that it won't. but i still won't let go of that dream, time will tell me if i will or can reach my dreams.
so many thoughts and memories keep running in my head. if i'm an emo, i'd kill myself xD, but thankfully not. i just can't let go of the past, it's too sweet too loose.

i really dont understand what i had just wrote, but the point is i must go on, even though it's fucking hard!!!

Modify...

One day, I decided to modify this vintage vest into something strange.. but here is what it comes out.

front








back

Okey dokey.. my hands are hyper and wanna do moooooreeee!!!... I just need more clothes LOL

I cry

dedicated to my special person that I never regret of meeting him, being with him for a certain time, staying in his arms until i went home, and for being my motivation to do all this.
to my best friend that one day i'll see again, i'll always love you and our friendship never ends.

you know who you are... love u..